Letter to my unborn child #1

 

On Monday we get to see you. I am terrified, scared at the huge responsibility that is to come and scared that all will not be well. I have been so worried at every little twitch that something is not going according to plan and that you are not growing as you should or that your tiny little heart has stopped beating. I hate that I can do nothing to control or help this. I am a worrier, this is something you should probably know about your mum. This morning I worried from 3am to 5am. First I was worried about the scan and then worried about my weird health insurance and then I moved on to worrying about where we are going to put you when you arrive this led to worrying about the fact that I still have not changed my name on my driving licence and then worried about the woeful bus service from your grandmas as I am going to have to catch a bus next week and then I was worried about work, by 5am I was worried out and fell asleep.

How are we ever going to make it through these next few months?

 

At 6.30 the alarm went off and I took a deep breath, your dad rolled over and put his arm round me and whispered into my curls “It will be alright, we are a team and we can make anything work”

You are going to be so lucky to have him.

 

And then we were three

Such a long absence!

Had meant to write some lovely posts about our many honeymoons when one night in early June our lives changed forever when an extra blue line appeared.

It was quite a shock as we had thought it would take 6 months to a year and here we were first month and off! The rest of the time since then has been spent with me crying, feeling sick and sleeping. So far pregnancy really not my thing but the scan is next week and fingers crossed all is well and I can stop worrying.

At this stage I am not really enjoying the pregnancy as it feels like I have a permanent hangover, tired, headache nausea without any of the fun of drinking. Can anyone tell me when I will start to feel all lovely, glowing and earth mother like?

Dreams can come true

Oh New York, how I dreamt of you and then there you were, taking my breath away as I headed for your lower east side in my big yellow taxi.

New York Here I Come

We leave for New York in three days and I am very excited. It is my first time and I am getting to stay here with my lovely Mr. Rigby. I am also starting to annoy people with my excitement. It will be our second honeymoon and will hopefully be without a trip to casualty. It will follow a weekend I just spent with my very old friend Ms. Keri where I laughed from the moment I woke up till the moment I went to sleep. She is lovely and I think I love the way I seem in her eyes, funny. I am not funny but she laughs at my awful silly voices and stories and I laugh at hers, actually I nearly wet myself at one point. It is also my birthday in 5 days. I have presents still to open and have so far already opened a dress, sandals, a bag, a big brooch, earrings, jim jams, and a bird sculpture. Life is sweet.

The husband returns

The talented one arrived late last night from a week long business trip to Portugal. I have learnt not to be jealous of these trips as I know he does not get to see anything of the places he visits but he does get to eat fab food and stay in swanky hotels, which is why he is instructed to steal everything that is not nailed down. Last night brought me Crabtree and Evelyn goodies, a shoe polisher, sewing kit and a manicure set not bad eh! However just to prove how well trained he is Mr. Rigby also brought home a Chanel mascara!

So glad I married him.

21 days to New York, I am beyond excited.

34

33 days till I am 34
6 grey hairs
8 little lines
4 on each eye
Not too bad for 34

Almost

It is sunny today and I have decided to come out of hibernation because I like my outfit today and my hair is my favourite mix of big curls today (never ever happens when I want it to) and there is so much to look forward to!

I am off to New York next month for honeymoon part 2 (suggestions for must do things very welcome)
I have tickets for Art Brut in May
Honeymoon part 3 is in May – Mexico two weeks of luxury and margaritas (book suggestions welcome I don’t do beach holidays well)
Next month is MY BIRTHDAY and even though I will be 34 I love birthdays (and I will be in NYC for it!)
Ms. Keri is coming to see me next month
I go to see my Dad next month
I have made a decision to permanently come off a diet I have been on one since I was eight and I am too damn tired of it
Because of the above am enjoying my food and wine.

Spring is springing I can feel it in my bones.

I want never gets?

I want
new shoes, high open toe.
A pedicure
bare legs
tanned skin
blossom
bright light
big silver hoops
to sit outside with a campari soda
and a silk scarf
rather than a long wool one
I want spring
now.

Half full rather than half empty

Today I looked at the pictures from the wedding of an old friend. We met while she was living in Amsterdam and now she is back in Australia. Their story is a beautiful, dramatic and romantic one and she looked take your breath away beautiful in the pictures.

The pictures have had quite an effect on me and forced me to look back at my own wedding, She looked so relaxed and happy even though from what I can gather she cooked the food for the 16 course wedding feast! (This would have left me gibbering wreck)

It made me think that in the months since my own wedding I have been remembering only the little bits that bothered me, the inability to spend time with everyone I wanted, drinking a little too much as there is definite time slippage in the day and evening, the drunk/panicked wedding rehearsal and the fact that I only discovered while sitting down to eat that sitting down and eating was impossible in my dress.

Looking at her pictures though I was reminded just how excited I was to walk down that aisle with Nina Simone singing exactly what I felt and how thrilling it was to see my wonderful Mr. Rigby at the end. It reminded me how magical it was to say my vows and how at that moment it felt that we were the only two in the room. But above it all it reminded me how lucky I am, finding love is not easy, keeping it even harder, yet right now it gets better and better.

Wish I was here

 

This was the first honeymoon in Padstow, Cornwall. Second one is New York, third is yet to be booked. Three cheers for honeymoon vouchers!!!