Your dad wrote this for you. We are very lucky to have him.

In your mummy’s tummy

 You’re in your mummy’s tummy

And you’re doing rather well

We have seen doctors and nurses

And they’ve done the tests to tell

So you’re growing in your mummy

Using your little hands and feet

And sleeping till your ready

For the day we finally meet

I read so you can hear me

It’s a daddy’s job to do

And I’ll tell you a little secret,

I think mummy likes it too

Your mum, well she protects you

She keeps you all secure

And when you’re ready to come join us

We’ll love you for ever more

We can’t wait until we meet you

And can hug and hold you tight

Show you this outside world

And teach you wrong from right

Your mum already loves you

And I can say the same for me

We also love each other

And can’t wait ‘til we are three

I forgot all about you but I am sure you will understand I was on the bathroom floor you see. It is a lovely spot, cool tiles to lie a thumping head and not too far from the toilet. I have been on the bathroom floor on and off since June, 5 whole months of vomiting, rolling nausea and migraines. I haven’t been much fun to live with and have barely turned up for work but in the last week something has shifted a little and I am beginning to feel better. Today I washed my hair and put on mascara and I have only been sick once today it was bit like having a hangover, without the fun of the night before, so just like old times really. Pregnancy is different for everyone but that doesn’t make it any easier when you seem to be the only one who feels like death. It is hard to bond with your growing baby when you feel so terrible and it is hard not to think that there must be something wrong, surely it is not possible to feel this bad and have a healthy baby. But it is, the 20 week scan told me so. The baby is a good size and seems to have everything in working order, it was a bit hard to see the baby as true to the awkwardness of this child it chose to roll up like hedgehog the minute it realised we wanted a good look! Well now we are on the countdown to the birth and slowly I am starting to have a life again with a gig on Friday and a musical on Sunday, my friend the bathroom floor will have to cope without me.

Now if you could do something about the nausea I would be very chuffed.

On Monday we get to see you. I am terrified, scared at the huge responsibility that is to come and scared that all will not be well. I have been so worried at every little twitch that something is not going according to plan and that you are not growing as you should or that your tiny little heart has stopped beating. I hate that I can do nothing to control or help this. I am a worrier, this is something you should probably know about your mum. This morning I worried from 3am to 5am. First I was worried about the scan and then worried about my weird health insurance and then I moved on to worrying about where we are going to put you when you arrive this led to worrying about the fact that I still have not changed my name on my driving licence and then worried about the woeful bus service from your grandmas as I am going to have to catch a bus next week and then I was worried about work, by 5am I was worried out and fell asleep.

How are we ever going to make it through these next few months?

At 6.30 the alarm went off and I took a deep breath, your dad rolled over and put his arm round me and whispered into my curls “It will be alright, we are a team and we can make anything work”

You are going to be so lucky to have him.

So glad I married him.

21 days to New York, I am beyond excited.