Posted in Uncategorized, tagged baby on September 30, 2009 |
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Oh Hello Blog!
I forgot all about you but I am sure you will understand I was on the bathroom floor you see. It is a lovely spot, cool tiles to lie a thumping head and not too far from the toilet. I have been on the bathroom floor on and off since June, 5 whole months of vomiting, rolling nausea and migraines. I haven’t been much fun to live with and have barely turned up for work but in the last week something has shifted a little and I am beginning to feel better. Today I washed my hair and put on mascara and I have only been sick once today it was bit like having a hangover, without the fun of the night before, so just like old times really. Pregnancy is different for everyone but that doesn’t make it any easier when you seem to be the only one who feels like death. It is hard to bond with your growing baby when you feel so terrible and it is hard not to think that there must be something wrong, surely it is not possible to feel this bad and have a healthy baby. But it is, the 20 week scan told me so. The baby is a good size and seems to have everything in working order, it was a bit hard to see the baby as true to the awkwardness of this child it chose to roll up like hedgehog the minute it realised we wanted a good look! Well now we are on the countdown to the birth and slowly I am starting to have a life again with a gig on Friday and a musical on Sunday, my friend the bathroom floor will have to cope without me.
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I had planned to write a post about something other than pregnancy but I just can’t because right now it is all I do. We are now at week 13 the nausea has not passed nether has the extreme fatigue. I have had word with the bump and explained that now we are in the second trimester I am supposed to be feeling fab. I don’t I really don’t on the whole I feel tired, weepy, sick and fat. Last weekend while back in the UK I managed to go out and about for the first time in three months now however I feel like sleeping for a thousand years. Maybe I am just a whiner but so far not having a blast! Every single baby piece of crap I have signed up for emailed me this week to say I should be feeling MUCH better which quite frankly is making me feel guilty. Yesterday as we were still not able to hear the baby’s heartbeat we were given an emergency scan, baby is fine just hiding behind the placenta and sleeping. I wish I could hide behind the placenta and sleep.
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On Monday we get to see you. I am terrified, scared at the huge responsibility that is to come and scared that all will not be well. I have been so worried at every little twitch that something is not going according to plan and that you are not growing as you should or that your tiny little heart has stopped beating. I hate that I can do nothing to control or help this. I am a worrier, this is something you should probably know about your mum. This morning I worried from 3am to 5am. First I was worried about the scan and then worried about my weird health insurance and then I moved on to worrying about where we are going to put you when you arrive this led to worrying about the fact that I still have not changed my name on my driving licence and then worried about the woeful bus service from your grandmas as I am going to have to catch a bus next week and then I was worried about work, by 5am I was worried out and fell asleep.
How are we ever going to make it through these next few months?
At 6.30 the alarm went off and I took a deep breath, your dad rolled over and put his arm round me and whispered into my curls “It will be alright, we are a team and we can make anything work”
You are going to be so lucky to have him.
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