Archive for August, 2007


The talented Mr. Rigby has been in Oxford for a conference and by all accounts it has been an unmitigated disaster. Firstly it took him 11 hours to get there after his flight was cancelled and then his company have put him up in halls of residence. The man who runs the halls of residence sounds like he has lived there all his life and possibly has not ever seen daylight. When the Talented Mr. Rigby asked to use an iron he was grunted at and then fleeced for a 20 quid deposit, the following morning bright eyed and bushy tailed Mr. Rigby went to dive in his three inch wide shower only to find there was no hot water. So off he toddles down stairs to tell Lurch who looks straight thorough him and states “It has been reported” and then shuffles off dragging his leg behind him.

So after all this merriment the Talented Mr. Rigby decided to reward himself with a night out in Oxford, now Mr. Rigby likes a good night out and has a habit of inadvertently ending up in strip bars and once a Turkish brothel!! but could he find a decent place for a drink in oxford?? Nope.

An old man did point him in the direction of the bingo hall though (he had asked about a casino but you know bingo is gambling) but I doubt he would go to bingo not after I told him my bingo story. I do not play bingo because the last time I did it was in France with my aunt in her tiny village and I won . . . a live chicken. It was quite a shock I can tell you.


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Scrapping at Scrabble


After my weekend in Norwich I have developed a bit of a taste for games, so we dicecided to play scrabble.

Scrabble is a very dangerous game. The Talented Mr. Rigby and myself bought a travel scrabble set last week and it seems to have taken over our lives. We actually spent last Saturday afternoon outside the pub playing and drinking beer and I got destroyed, really really destroyed. I also got one brown arm but that is another story.

However the major problem with this obsession is that it gives The Talented Mr. Rigby a chance to demonstrate his insane competitiveness and I think it may end in tears, I did have a wee strop and rip all the tiles off the board on Sunday. I fear there is more of this behaviour to come.

It also highlights the fact that neither of us can spell, at all. We were playing the next day and a friend came in to the pub and sat down beside us, had a wee chat and then said “out of interest what does rian mean?”. Hmmmm neither of us had noticed it was spelt wrong at all!!

I must buy a scrabble dictionary and start reading it.

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Nelson’s Sword

It was when she muttered “you bitch’ as I leapt in with the correct answer of Crystal Palace that I felt all warm and glowing and accepted by Mother talented Mr. Rigby, the weekend with family went well, quite well I would say. I was very nervous about the game playing, especially as when they got out the Trivial Pursuits they all said stuff like “oooo I bet you are good at this” well I’m not and people often seem to confuse me with someone intelligent, I think it is because I wear glasses and am a bit gobby! Still when it came to Articulate I was on fire although I think I may have called the Talented Mr. Rigby an idiot at one point.

As for Norwich, well I was pleasantly surprised. It is a very nice place, a castle a cathedral and ancient pub what more could you ask for. We did a tour of the castle with a very funny and sarcastic guide and the the best behaved children I have ever seen. They were about 4 and 6 and put their hands up to ask questions and everything! I swear I nearly stole them to display as a rare breed. The talented Mr. Rigby loved the castle, he was once locked in the dungeons when he was little and told me so at least four times while we there, he also came close to wetting himself when he got to see Nelson’s Sword.

Then we went off to the cathedral where I discovered something very weird. The sound of choirs in a church makes me weep. Now I should explain that I am an atheist but I love religious buildings still it took me by surprise when I went to the Sacre Coeur in February and ended up sobbing. I really was not expecting it to happen again, but the choir started and then I watched an old man light two candles and I was off!! Very odd.

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Meet The Parents

Tomorrow I am off to Norwich which is in Norfolk. This came as a bit of a surprise to me as I had always assumed Norfolk was a city – and yes it was a very Jade Goody moment when I asked this in a room full of people – in my defence every bugger you meet from those parts just says “Oh I am from Norfolk” and as I can never ever imagine saying ” Oh I am from Dorset” I just assumed it was some cool town that almost everyone I met from university onwards lived in. Anyway the reason I am off to the delights of Norwich is that I am off to stay with The Talented Mr. Rigby and the potential in laws. AAAGHHHHH!!!

I have met them before but this is the first time in their house and to be honest I am nervous. For a start they all like to play games and being an only child the only game I can play is solitaire, secondly they are really funny nice people who like a drink so I know after a few vinos I will forget they are my potential in-laws and start regaling them with stories of my drunken exploits. It could be messy!

The Talented Mr. Rigby has been there all week being spoilt with bacon sandwiches, roast dinners and flapjacks by his mother and even though it has only been a week I am really looking forward to seeing him. I have really missed him however the house is clean and peaceful and I have eaten the same dinner 4 times so it was not all bad.

I should point out because I know he will complain if I don’t that The Talented Mr. Rigby is not FROM Norwich as he was born in Liverpool and he thinks you are from where you are born, I think that is bollocks but there you go!

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I was watching a little girl walking with her Mum recently and she was limping quite badly however something about the slightly too dramatic limp and complete lack of interest from her Mum that made me think that the little minx was faking it just a like a wee Tallulah used too. I was an attention seeking little git as a child and often played dead or faked limps to get attention.I even used to repeatedly throw myself in a small pond near our house as the first time it happened for real I got sooo much attention! I tend not to do this anymore but have just come to realise that I may be attention seeking in another way.It has taken me a while but I am slowly getting used to the idea that I am a raving hypochondriac. Now I should imagine that this is not news to anyone who knows me or in fact anyone who shares the office with me. Just this morning I have had a sore itchy throat, a cut on my toe which may have to have stitches, a headache and apparently I am covered in bites. I have even blogged about being ill twice. I think it is because as a nurse my mother was always caring for everyone else and I was just plain jealous. I remember a friend who broke her thumb while we playing getting tons of attention from my mum, I was gutted because as a distinctly clumsy person I was forever hurting myself and the most I ever got was a “run it under the tap dear”.

Luckily hypochondria is not given the time of day in the Netherlands but you know what hypochondria is an illness too.

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Paul’s Pride

This weekend was Gay Pride in Amsterdam and it was also the Talented Mr. Rigby’s birthday so we decided to combine the two, after all it is not often a whole city wants to celebrate with you. Incidentally my birthday occurs right around Queens Day in Holland so they all come out to celebrate for me too! Trouble is I got sick on Thursday night, really really full of a cold and just as a piece of advice sneezing continuously near the revolving sushi bar does not make you popular! Don’t worry I moved my seat as far away as possible and left a big tip. So I felt terrible and The Talented Mr. Rigby didn’t get to celebrate, I still felt terrible on Friday but by Saturday morning I managed to drag myself out of bed to prepare the birthday picnic, admittedly I had to lie down in between packing each item.

I tell you what though the revival powers of an ice cold rose are amazing!! We had chairs pulled up to the canal,chilled wine and lots of ice cold beers and nibbles and I was a very smug Tallulah indeed when the boys commented on how nice everything was!

And I think the Talented Mr. Rigby enjoyed himself especially when he got his nipples tweaked by a nice young man. Serves him right for having permanently erect nipples. Nobody tweaked mine.

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So Tina left today in fact she flew out about half an hour ago and I am shocked at how emotional I feel, I feel like I just broke up with someone! The three of us went to dinner last night and sat outside a little bar by the canal sipping mojitos just like we have done a hundred times before then we went back to ours and drank champagne on the balcony with all the candles flickering away and it still didn’t hit me until she passed me a card and gave me a hug and left. She doesn’t live here anymore, she is going back home to  build her house and be with family and she definitely will not be able to pop over on her bike to straighten my hair.

Tina and I met two years ago through a dating agency (weird I know but when you live abroad you will do anything to meet friends) and we have had some fairly wild times, we almost missed two early morning flights as we were still at the bar in town and did miss one flight when she ran back to get her phone and fell in the road, we went to casualty instead, she got three stitches and I got to nurse her. She is the best fun, wherever you go with her she bumps into people she knows (this happened in Barcelona and Australia) and she is always the girl to get the party started. I also owe the Talented Mr. Rigby to her, we were the three musketeers taking Amsterdam by storm and she coped very well when two of us fell in love, not sure I would have coped that well.

Good Luck Tina Molina and watch out Limerick she is on her way!

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