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Archive for November, 2007

Bored

This afternoon is the most boring afternoon of my life I am so bored I can barely find the interest to blink even though my eyes are burning hot from reading so much useless rubbish on the internet. Now for the ultimate distraction I am looking at houses I can not afford and planning my children even though I only want a child so that I will not have to come to work, and so I can say in a pious voice “I am a full time mother” when people ask me what I do rather than saying I work in the HR and then not knowing what else to say cos it really isn’t that exciting and I don’t get to save lives and stuff.

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Smoke and Mirrors

I am finally the proud owner of a winter coat and just in the nick of time too, it is absolutely freezing here at the moment! Now I went all the way to London to buy this coat as I am a midget in the land of giants and I am quite buxom ,well too be honest I am a bit chunky all over. The shopping trip was planned with military precision, I had been on-line and picked a few nice looking ones and I approached Oxford Street with a promise to the talented one to only be one hour maximum.

It was horrible, mid November in Christmas shopping madness was not part of the plan, I opened the doors to House of Fraser and it honestly looked like a jumble sale with garish decorations and scary heavily made up women spraying stuff at me, I saw fear creep on to The Talented Mr. Rigby’s face.

I bravely soldiered on and tried on roughly 12 million coats, none of which were the ones I had looked at and dutifully printed out for my shopping file (yes I am that anal) but to my horror none of them would do up. So I sneakily started trying on a bigger size and then I found one, purple with a belt, I put it on and walked to the odd looking mirror. It was miracle, I looked slim, thin even with a clearly defined waist, why this coat was magic. But then I looked again and I thought to myself wow I even look taller, I twirled and twirled deliriously happy with my magic slimming and lengthening coat. On the third twirl I noticed a girl trying on a coat at another mirror. Her mirror looked very different to mine, it wasn’t shiny or kind of convex like mine. Then it dawned I was standing in front of one of those fairground mirrors that distort the real you. I sneaked up to the proper mirror to check myself out. The coat was not magic and I was still short and fat. And worse, now I was inconsolable. The Talented Mr. Rigby tried to help by fetching new coats for me but I was in quite a strop by then. Then out of the corner of my eye I spotted an indigo coloured coat that looked like it may hide all my lumps and bumps, so I bought it quick as a flash and then went to the pub for a pint and a packet of cheese and onion crisps.

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I have reached the end of my tether, the commuting is finally getting to me. This week has just been terrible! On Wednesday my journey took twice as long (so three hours!) and I was an hour and a half late for work. On the bright side I did get to see some Dutch countryside that I had not yet had the pleasure of visiting, unfortunately it does not look quite so picturesque when you are standing on your third forlorn, windswept train platform!

Today due to the bad winds I arrived at the station to find it covered in police tape and strangely empty. I asked a friendly copper what was going on and if there were any trams, he scowled, shrugged and then told me there were no trams or buses and that he didn’t work for the transport company. I smiled sweetly and started to walk, the wind knocked the breath out of me and I decided to hop in a taxi.

The taxi driver asked me why I wasn’t walking (it is 45 minutes and freezing) and why I wasn’t on my bike (Clearly stupid me did not have the foresight to buy and bring a fold up bike for the train), I scowled at him in the mirror, hoping I was conveying a stern Home James look, but I think the moment I completely lost it was when I ended up stuck in the traffic jam behind my tram. Bloody lying policeman!!

At least I made it to work on time though.

However now I am here and warm again I am getting giddy at the thought of shopping in London tomorrow, The Talented Mr. Rigby had better have his credit card ready!!

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Commuting

Things I hate about commuting.

    Getting up so early

    Waiting around on cold platforms, empty dark tram stops

    People

    People who read massive newspapers and balnce them on me just because I am short

    People who fidget – constantly

    People who think it is OK to let their knees touch mine

    The money it costs me

    The three hours a day I waste

    People who talk loudly on mobile phones

    People who push me out of the way to be first on the train

    Not getting a seat (especially as it is so expensive)

    Expensive rubbish train station coffee

    Delays

I think I am a bit grumpy today.

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