Archive for November, 2008

Honeymoons and Hospitals


And finally the dramatic honey moon. Oh how I was looking forward to this, we had booked three nights in Cornwall, mother had lent us the Citroen and off we went. It was lovely, the hotel was great, the food stunning and the weather even held for most of the time. We took the ferry to St. Enedoc and went to find John Betjeman’s grave, we found the church but after a two hour hike up the hill I just could not face climbing down to look at the gravestone so I declared the grave viewed. We ate and drank and developed a worrying addiction to a pub quiz machine version of Blockbuster. Very Romantic.

Then I woke at 4am on the last night and felt around in the bed, he was gone. The talented one was locked in the bathroom where he was very sick, sick every 40 minutes for 10 hours. In the midst of all this we had to check out. I carried all our luggage to the car park 15 minutes walk away, including the very heavy antique cutlery set we had bought, paid the bill and gathered plenty of plastic bags. He was sick in the back of the car before we had even pulled away. A three hour drive became four and a half hour one with hundreds of sick stops. It was awful. We got back to mother’s and she ran him a bath and sent him to bed. I drank a very big glass of wine.

While back home I had decided to fast track my new passport/name change so off we drove to London. The talented one was all better so he drove with radio 2 blaring and we were in and out of the passport office in 10 minutes. We had four hours until it could be collected so we headed off to Portobello Market, Mr. Rigby is an enthusiastic antique collector (barware and tie pins) and had never been before. It was a lovely day and I managed to squeeze in three pints of red stripe along the way. Passport was picked up and we went off to celebrate having the same name. Mr. Rigby took one sip of his diet coke and complained of feeling funny, I gave him two nurofen which he washed down with a big gulp of diet coke. He still felt funny so we decided to head home. His lips itched, he felt hot. I was a bit grumpy about having left my fourth pint barely touched, he kept scratching and as I turned to him I could see his lips were a bit swollen. I took him to get anti histamine as we spoke to the chemist I turned to Mr. Rigby again and I could not see his eyes. He was that swollen. We raced to a medical centre that is at Victoria. By the time I had filled out our details Mr. Rigby was having difficulty breathing, the nurse called an ambulance and hit him with a whopping dose of anti histamine. So where was the first time I got to use my new name, the back of an ambulance with a red itchy elephant man on my honeymoon, that is where.


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In his own words

Tallulah, my own little Carrie Bradshaw, what can I say? Thank you. Thank you for making me the happiest and most proud man there is. When I saw you at the top of the aisle I was speechless. You are beautiful, and it was just a dream come true.


Most people know the story of how I met Tallulah, I was playing squash when my friend Tina turned up with Tallulah. When I saw her I just had to go out and talk to her. I thought she was stunning from the instant I saw her and I fell in love with her from the moment I got to know her. Unfortunately, those infamous first words “I’ve only gone and brought my tennis racket instead of my squash racket” meant that I had to chase her for 9 months until she had forgotten what I had said and agreed to out with me. But let me tell you now Tallulah, that I would have waited forever.


During those 9 months we became best friends and did everything together, so I really am marrying my best friend, and believe me I know how lucky I am.


Tallulah, you have changed my life. Together we are more than I ever imagined I could be. You are beautiful and make me so happy; in short, I love you.


So, ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to join with me and raise your glasses for a toast to my wonderful, beautiful bride – my wife, Tallulah.


“To Tallulah!”

And yes I cried. Oh and god bless him for the SATC comment because he truly hates that programme.

Downside – apparently when you are being toasted you don’t drink?!?

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The bride

I woke up at 4 am as I was convinced someone was sitting on me, the weight on my chest was so great that I had difficulty breathing. Slowly I realised where I was and what day it was. My head hurt having the hen do the day before the wedding probably not the best when you have no self control and bizarrely I could see everything, it was a miracle. Then I realised I had slept in my contacts because I could not find my glasses and was scared of waking in the night and not being able to see. I walked to the balcony and slid open the door. I could hear the sea crashing below me and I started to breathe. It was pitch black with just the odd boat light I so desperately wanted it to get light so I could see my beach. I turned on the TV, made a pot of tea and looked at myself long and hard in the mirror. I was not impressed with what I saw, I looked for and found my glasses, took out my contacts and put eye drops in. I thought that would help. I put a moisture mask on my face and plucked my eyebrows. I could not settle, I was definitely not getting any more sleep. So I did the only thing that relaxes me, I wrote lists, lists for the best man, photograph lists, lists for myself and then I simply wrote my new signature out over and over and over. The notebook looked like it had been attacked by a love sick eight year old.

Somehow it was 6am so I texted him, the man who can always sleep was actually up, we exchanged texts for half an hour and then he left to walk on the beach. The very same beach I was on but 5 miles up, I thought of him bundled up walking the beach and for the first time that sly thought crept into my head, what if he has changed his mind.

Then it was 7am and light and I sat on the balcony in my pyjamas with a cup of tea just watching the waves, the ice cold air gave my skin some life so that by the next time I looked in the mirror I did not feel so bad. I took a bath and then it began, the first call was from mother. She had dreamt that she was in a car crash on the way to the hotel and that she had begged the ambulance drivers to still deliver my wedding dress. She made me laugh and then she made herself cry. She hung up just as my breakfast arrived. I  made the bed, tried to read and in the end went to have my nails painted.

The manicurist was the first person I had spoken with face to face and my voice wobbled. So you are the bride she said. Yes I am I thought. I am the bride.


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It started with the hen

Let us start at the very beginning. I expected to cry at the wedding but I did not expect to cry for the week before, anything and everything set me off. I had a rather spectacular meltdown buying sparkly hair clips. I couldn’t decide and had about 30 pounds worth of them in my sweaty fist, suddenly this was the most important decision of the entire wedding, I would look awful and everybody would ridicule me if the sparkles were not right. The talented one looked at me, grabbed all the clips from my hand and said “I’ll buy them all and we can decide over a pint”. That man is my hero!

I was so emotional right up until the hen when it was then everyone else’s turn to cry, and they did. My wonderful bridesmaids organised a fantastic high tea with champagne in a fabulous art deco old printing works, it was decadent, drunken yet oddly elegant. I also got to wear my little top hat with the veil which gave me a whole moulin rouge vibe. My mother stood up to make a little speech and cried all the way through and I managed to cry only once when playing a hen game.
The girls had asked Mr. Rigby some questions and I had to answer the same in order to win a gift, the question was – Where is Talullah’s favourite place in Amsterdam? My answer – Home. We both got it right because it is true after 4 countries and 25+ houses I finally have a home.
The Wedding and very dramatic mini moon stories will follow!

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